My mother-in-law, Anita, is very wise (and she reads my newsletters). She was also a New Jersey schoolteacher for over 30 years, and when school let out for the summer in late June, she used to say that she could finally ‘exhale’ and relax. She’d do that for about a week, and then like clockwork, as soon as the last of the July 4th fireworks would light up the sky, she’d start the ‘Summer’s Over’ countdown…
She was kidding – sort of. But when it comes to college applications, there is a kernel of truth to her sentiment.
When summer vacation finally begins in June, everyone feels a sense of relief. We all need, and deserve, a chance to exhale.
But after every exhale comes an inhale, and a recognition of the reality of impending deadlines. For some families, that reality can settle back in rather quickly, especially if you have a college-bound, rising 12th grader.
As a college coach for 18 years and the parent of two young adults, I am also an avid, if not de facto, student of human psychology. One of the most repeated patterns of family behavior I’ve observed is the summer dance around the college application process. Tell me if you’re having (or expect to have) some variation of the following conversation in your home:
Anxious Parent of rising 12th grader: Hey kiddo, how is that college application coming along?
Distracted Student It’s fine.
Parent: Do you have an essay written that I can maybe take a look at?
Student (slightly irritated): Not yet, I’m still thinking of a few different ideas.
Parent (growing frustrated): Well, we need to get something written soon. I’d like you to have this completed before school starts.
Student (full-blown outburst): Mom!/Dad! Can you lay off of me? I promise I’ll get to it, just not today, OK?
Parent (fully exasperated): Fine, but you know how time flies. The school year starts early this year (August 12 in South Florida).
Conversation ends…and nothing is accomplished.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
It’s true, successful people are proactive – they take steps to understand and navigate a challenge instead of standing by and hoping for the best. So the good news is that by confronting the proverbial elephant you’re already doing more than most parents this summer.
But kids, especially teens, and especially when they’re anxious about something, like getting into college, and don’t really know where to start (as most won’t in this process), often have a built-in rejection of anything their parents suggest. It’s part of their yearning for independence and following their own path.
Unfortunately the college deadlines are real, and they’re not going away. The Common App goes live on Aug 1. With this backdrop, I think Anita was right in that the July 4th Holiday marks a sort of high water mark for the summer.
The college application exercise comes with some stress, that’s undeniable. But it doesn’t have to result in parents arguing needlessly with their children about deadlines and commitments. There are solutions to that conflict, and they’re only a phone call, click or an email away.
It’s not a coincidence that the world’s best (in nearly any activity) have something in common — something that you also have within your reach. They have a coach (often more than one) who helps guide them to success. And when it comes to getting into college and funding it, the unfortunate reality is that high school guidance counselors are maxed out. They’re juggling—on average—-500 students to one counselor. Trying to meet with each high school student to help them prepare appropriately for college is out of the question.
So, how could a coach help you and your child? Let me give you a few examples of coaches you may already have hired but didn’t consider to be a “coach”:
Personal trainer: When I used to work out on my own, I would go to the gym, do a bunch of random exercises, and wonder why I wasn’t getting results. The first time I worked out with a trainer, he showed me how to improve what I’d already been doing—and how to do it in a fraction of the time. This has been one of the best investments I’ve ever made.
High-end hair stylist (Jill insisted I include this example): A highly skilled hairdresser might cost 3x (or even 20x, in Jill’s case) the normal price…but he or she can show you why a certain look suits you better than the normal Supercuts look you’ve been getting. (BTW, see what I mean? Would you have ever thought of a high-end hairdresser as a “coach”?)
Ski Instructor: Years ago, Jill and I were in Colorado riding a chairlift up the mountain, and down below we heard a couple arguing vehemently. He wanted to take his wife in one direction, but she was having none of it, only to scream, “If you go that way, we’re getting a DIVORCE!”. Our ski instructor, sitting next to us on the chair, yelled below, “Save your marriage, get a lesson!”. I’ve been skiing for almost 50 years, and I still, on occasion, like to hire an instructor for important pointers. Whether you are a beginner skier or you like the challenge of double blacks, hiring an instructor is a great investment.
The very best coaches can spot opportunities and point out the landmines before you see them. They can recommend strategies to help you overcome challenges and take advantage of loopholes that skyrocket your chances for success.
I’ve seen it myself MANY times with MANY different families I’ve worked with.
When we first started working with students nearly two decades ago, I remember so many people (my own mother included) scoffed at the idea of hiring someone to coach you through the college planning process…
Until they finally saw the results of the people who got one. The students we work with enjoy multiple college acceptances and save an average of $30,000 per year off their college bill.
So, I want to ask you: Is your child becoming increasingly stressed as he or she wrestles with their college application? Can they really handle the college admissions process alone?
Frankly, the answer for most teenagers, is no. They need your help. And I want to help you help them… without sacrificing your family’s hard-earned sanity this summer. If you have any questions about your family’s college plans, or are stalled in the process and unsure how to proceed, feel free to reach out. After all the best antidote to anxiety is to take action…and the best action you can take when it comes to college is to get the right advice.
