Teens + Thanksgiving Table Talk: A Survival Guide for 2025
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At this season of gratitude, we’re especially thankful for our clients, partners, and the thousands of students and families who inspire us with their dreams, resilience, and optimism. You motivate everything we do.
With Thanksgiving just days away, we wanted to revisit a message that continues to resonate year after year—especially for teens and young adults who are navigating college admissions and post-high-school plans.
I originally wrote this nearly a decade ago to help my daughter and niece survive our own family table talk. Since then, I’ve learned that every family—from big, boisterous ones to quieter gatherings—faces the exact same dynamic.
The Scene: Food, Football… and “The Questions”
Thanksgiving offers all the good stuff: delicious food, beloved traditions, maybe some spirited football debates, and time with relatives you don’t see every day. But for many teens, it also brings something far less welcome:
The Questions.
- “So, where are you applying?”
- “Have you heard back yet?”
- “What are you majoring in?”
- “And what are you going to do with that?”
Adults see these as easy conversation starters. Students often hear them as pressure, judgment, or reminders of all the uncertainty they’re carrying silently on their shoulders. So how do we help everyone—students and relatives—move through these conversations with more kindness, curiosity, and ease?
For Students: Deflect With Grace (and Genuine Interest)
Here’s the simplest strategy we’ve seen work beautifully:
Turn the question around—respectfully and with curiosity.
When Uncle Billy asks what your plans are, try something like:
“I’m exploring lots of options. I’d love to know—what was your path after high school?”
Or:
“I’m still thinking through my interests. What did you study, and would you do anything differently today?”
Most adults love reflecting on their own beginnings, and you instantly shift the pressure off yourself while still having a warm, real conversation. Listen with interest—you may even get some valuable wisdom in return.
For Relatives: Ask About the Present, Not the Future
If you’re the aunt, uncle, grandparent, or family friend, here’s a helpful reframe: Teenagers are far more comfortable talking about what they’re doing now than what they may (or may not) do years from now.
Instead of jumping to college lists, careers, or test scores, try:
- “What classes or projects are you enjoying this fall?”
- “What’s something new you’ve tried this year?”
- “What’s been the highlight of school so far?”
These questions invite connection without triggering that fight-or-flight response students often feel when pressed about the future.
And if they do share plans, resist the instinct to ask “why” immediately. Instead, use follow-ups that encourage them to elaborate gently:
- “Oh, interesting—tell me more about that.”
- “What sparked your interest in that idea?”
- Or simply share your own story from that time in your life.
A Final Word for All of Us
Thanksgiving can be joyful, hectic, emotional, and messy—all at once. But family curiosity usually comes from a place of genuine love. If students can respond with patience, and adults with sensitivity, everyone gets a better experience.
My wish for your family this Thanksgiving is simple:
May the conversations be kind, the connections be meaningful, and the memories be lasting.
